The-A-Word

# DIRTY DANCING

2010-06-01T11:51:00.000-07:00

JANET JACKSON'S BLACK CAT DANCE RAISED SOME EYEBROWS, BRAZIL'S ASS-TO-FACE RAMMING DANCE BREAKS NECKS! I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO GRAB A CONDOM OR A SEAT BELT.

# DEEP SH*T

2010-06-01T01:43:00.001-07:00

WE CREATE FLAT SCREEN TOUCH-PADS, PUT MEN ON THE MOON, BUT SHOW US AN Oil Spill & WE GO STONE-AGE AGAIN. IF THEY PUT HALF AS MUCH EFFORT INTO FINDING A DAMN RENEWABLE ENERGY SOURCE AS THEY DO INTO MAKING DANCING WITH THE STARS, WE'D BE ABLE TO MOVE USELESS BASTARDS LIKE DICKHEAD CHENEY TO PLUTO BY NOW... WASTE.

# HEAVEN STROKES

2010-05-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

GARY COLEMAN DIED, NOW HEAVEN'S GOTTA CURIOUS ANGEL. "WHATCHOO TALKIN BOUT JESUS?" I WONDER WHAT HIS NEXT LIFE'S GONNA BE? CUPID? NEVERLAND-ER? OOMPA-LOOMPA? IT'S NOT TOO SOON TO BE CURIOUS.

# NO NUTS, NO STORY

2010-05-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

CAN'T BLAME DUDE FOR LAUGHING. THIS OTHER GUY'S VOICE IS JUST RIDICULOUSLY TOO HIGH. IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY TOOK ONE OF THEM BIG ASS HAMMERS FROM THE FAIR AND WENT TO TOWN ON OL' DUDE'S NUTS. HE SOUNDS LIKE THE GODFATHER SMOKED SOME HELIUM.

# NO ANKLES

2010-05-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

IT'S LIKE WATCHING A RUBBER DOLL TRYING TO COME TO LIFE -- ON A WAX FLOOR......WHY COULDN'T THIS POOR GIRL STAND UP LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?

# WHAT'S UP WITH THIS VIDEO?

2010-05-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

EDDIE MURPHY, MICHAEL JACKSON, DID YOU REALLY THINK WE WOULDN'T LAUGH AT THIS? EDDIE, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, BEING A COMEDIAN, WHO MAKES A LIVING ROASTING SH*T LIKE THIS-- SERIOUSLY? I MEAN, SERIOUSLY? JUST...WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? DON'T ANSWER. DON'T GIVE A REASON. CAUSE THERE AIN'T ONE.

# SAY WHAT!?

2010-05-24T18:51:00.001-07:00

stuckonstupidface AFTER LIL' WAYNE CONFESSED TO BEING RAPED. WTF!?

# CLEAN CONSCIENCE

2010-05-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

I LOVE LIFE BECAUSE I CAN PLAY SONGS LIKE THIS ON SUNDAY TO ERASE WHAT I DID ON SATURDAY... WHAT GUILT?

# I-JIP

2010-05-19T05:14:00.001-07:00

followerquestion $130,000 ipad!? I WONDER WHO APPLE BUYS THEIR CRACK FROM?

MAYBE THEY OWE A LOAN SHARK SOME MONEY AND THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE GOOD. MAYBE THE MEMO LABELED "RECESSION" GOT LOST IN THEIR "SPAM" BOX. IT HAPPENS. MAYBE THEY HEARD OBAMA MENTION A STIMULUS OR SOMETHING, AND FIGURED, "HEY, LET'S GET AMERICA SPENDING AGAIN." WHO KNOWS, BUT IF THESE ARE THE FU*K-HEAD PRICES WE'RE GONNA KEEP SEEING FROM MY HOMIES AT THE FRUIT COMPANY. I'LL BE AUDITIONING FOR A WINDOWS 7 COMMERICIAL SAYING "I'M AARON_theEJ, I'M A PC, AND COMMON DAMN SENSE... WAS MY IDEA."

# UNREALITY TV

2010-05-16T07:22:00.001-07:00

becauseofweed TOO MANY CELEBS DECIDE TO DO REALITY TV SHOWS. NOTHING LIKE WATCHING PEOPLE SO RICH THEY NEED WRITERS TO CREATE PROBLEMS.

LOOK PEOPLE, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE TAKING UP MY CABLE SPACE, MAKE A STOP BY THAT ACTING CLASS ON YOUR WAY TO THE STUDIO. I'D APPRECIATE THAT. WHEN MY SHOW TAKES OFF, I DON'T WANT PEOPLE THROWING SH*T AT THEIR TV SCREENS, SAYING THEY'D RATHER BE WATCHING THEIR DAMN SELVES OTHER THAN WATCHING YOU SUCK... HORRIBLY.

# SUCCESS = NO SLEEP

2010-05-15T00:31:00.001-07:00

ihaveatendency TO PURSUE GREATNESS, SO I BOYCOTTED SLEEP 3 DAYS AGO. DOWNSIDE? I'M SEEING ELMER FUDD CLEANING HIS GUN AT MY KITCHEN TABLE.

# SCRATCHING MY HEAD

2010-05-14T09:33:00.001-07:00

THERE'S FUNNY, & THERE'S RIDICULOUS. myquestionis 'THE HELL IS THIS?

# "I'M LAUGHING" CLIPS 2

2010-05-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL HE'S SAYING, BUT GETTING KNOCKED THE FU*K OUT SOUNDS THE SAME IN EVERY LANGUAGE.

# "I'M LAUGHING" CLIPS

2010-05-14T04:35:00.000-07:00

IT'S OKAY TO LAUGH... EVEN IF IT IS YOU.

R-KELLY IS ON CLOUD 9 SOMEWHERE.

2010-05-13T23:29:00.001-07:00

anydaynow ABC WILL AIR THIS ON "ARE YOU SKANKIER THAN A 2ND GRADER". I JUST GOT WORD THAT LAWRENCE TAYLOR WAS IN ATTENDANCE.

#LOOK BOTH WAYS!

2010-05-13T07:40:00.001-07:00

myquestionis HOW FAR DID THE CAR KNOCK HIM? EVIDENTLY THIS GENTLEMAN NEVER SAW MEET JOE BLACK... TRAGIC.

# STOP IT!

2010-05-11T00:23:00.001-07:00

IT'S TIME, MAN. GIVE THE SHORTS AND TANK TOP A BREAK. AND BY "BREAK" I MEAN BURN THEM. JUST LIKE YOU BURN THEM CALORIES! GO AHEAD MAN, DON'T HESITATE, DO IT NOW... DO IT NOW.

DUDS

2010-05-10T20:51:00.001-07:00

deadforthesummer SHOULD BE THE THEME OF THE BOX OFFICE IF THEY KEEP RELEASING MOVIES LIKE "LOSERS" & "A-TEAM".

SOME MOVIES SHOULD PAY ME TO WATCH!

2010-05-10T00:31:00.001-07:00

nowplaying JUST WATCHED THAT 2006 MOVIE "D.O.A" ON TV. CAN I ASK THE CABLE COMPANY TO REFUND THAT HOUR-IN-A-HALF BACK?

#ANIMATED NEWS ALERT!

2010-05-09T05:33:00.001-07:00

THIS JUST IN! YO, MARY JANE, SOME PEOPLE DON'T HANDLE BREAKUPS TOO WELL. TALK TO MY BOY SPIDER-MAN, HE IS SERIOUSLY TRIPPIN'. IF YOU CAN'T GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY, AT LEAST GIVE HIM SOME FOR THE ROAD, HELP HIM WORK OFF A DOUGHNUT OR TWO. THE CITY NEEDS THIS MAN! CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM TRYING TO SWING HIS FAT ASS THROUGH DOWNTOWN? HE LOOK LIKE TONY SOPRANO IN TIGHTS!

PROPS: I GIVE THEM WHEN THEY'RE DUE.

2010-05-09T03:08:00.001-07:00

nowplaying CATCH 22: PROVING UR GREAT CONVINCES PEOPLE THAT U AREN'T.

# SEX, LIES, & INTERNET VIDEOS

2010-05-08T23:46:00.001-07:00

nowplaying TRUTH: IF MAKING A SEX-TAPE BOOSTED YOUR CAREER; YOUR ROLE MODEL RIGHTS ARE REVOKED. STOP TRYING. ASK YOURSELVES PEOPLE, DO YOU HONESTLY WANT TO BE "BFFs" OR KEEP UP WITH THE LIVES OF THESE TWO FOOKERS? (FAME-HOOKERS)

# GRITTY -VS- SUSPECT

2010-05-08T23:29:00.001-07:00

nowplaying TRUTH TELLER: DUDES ICE SKATING W/HOCKEY STICKS:

= GRITTY.

DUDES ICE SKATING IN TIGHTS:

= SUSPECT. WTF!?

2010-05-08T22:20:00.001-07:00

I'M nowplaying THE ROLE OF STICK-UP KID. SETH MACFARLANE'S WORTH $100 MILL, & I'M GOING FOR AN OSCAR. SEE YOU IN THE ALLEY.

2010-05-08T16:34:00.001-07:00

Hawks FANS. PEACE UP, "A" TOWN DOWN....RIGHT?

2010-05-08T08:26:00.001-07:00

LAST ADVICE 4 NOW. DIGGING IN YOUR ASS & SNIFFING YOUR FINGER IS NOT UN-GROSS JUST B/C NOBODY SAW YOU. loljk

# HATE HOLLYWOOD TALK

2010-05-08T06:49:00.001-07:00

nowPlaying ADVICE: BEFORE YOU BELIEVE CELEBS WHO SAY MONEY DOESN'T BUY HAPPINESS. IMAGINE FROWNING IN A LAMBO & A PENT HOUSE.

2010-05-08T04:59:00.001-07:00

nowplaying ROOF JUMP GOES WRONG PT.2. HE SHOULD'VE DRUNK A RED BULL!

2010-05-08T04:55:00.001-07:00

nowplaying PEACEMAKER: DEPLOY 72 VIRGINS TO THE MIDDLE EAST & SAY THE FIRST TERRORIST WHO SHOOTS THE OTHERS WINS.

2010-05-08T04:47:00.001-07:00

IF A CHILD HAS LESBIAN PARENTS. WHICH 1 GETS THE Mother's Day PRESENT?

2010-05-08T04:45:00.001-07:00

CLARK KENT'S SON IS A Super Junior . A 20YR OLD 11TH GRADER IS JUST A DUMB ASS!

2010-05-08T04:43:00.001-07:00

nowplaying ADVICE GIVER: DON'T TELL A ANGRY, ONE-LEGGED MAN "I THINK WE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT".

2010-05-07T22:18:00.001-07:00

Goodnight TO LT'S 16YR OLD GIRLFRIEND. HARD 2 SLEEP W/OUT HIM THERE 2 ROCK YOU.

2010-05-07T22:11:00.001-07:00

LADIES: ifihadyou @ HELLO, CAN WE SKIP DINNER AND GET TO BUSINESS?

2010-05-07T22:09:00.001-07:00

WhyYouAtTheClub ON FRIDAY, KNOWING YOU GOTTA PREACH ON SUNDAY!?

2010-05-07T22:07:00.001-07:00

howtomakememad I'M NEW IN TOWN, GET IN YOUR CAB & YOU ASK ME FOR DIRECTIONS!>:{

REPORTER GOES FROM BRYANT GUMBEL TO GHETTO IN 3 SECS.

2010-05-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

Martin Luther King Jr is rolling over in his grave after this.

REPO MAN GETS HIS ASS KICKED MICHAEL JACKSON STYLE.

2010-05-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson is Moonwalking in his grave after this.

BLAME IT ON THE BEST MAN (HE JACKS UP THE WHOLE WEDDING)

2010-05-07T07:06:00.000-07:00

Tragic.

1 NOSEY REPORTER, 1 PISSED OFF BIRD

2010-05-07T07:05:00.000-07:00

Reporter was full of sh*t, so the bird gave him a mouthful.

2010-04-27T03:30:00.001-07:00

THE GAME IS SLEEPING ON @MaronzioVance http://ping.fm/uvrJ2 HE SHOULD PROBABLY FU*K A KARDASHIAN!

RED BULL GIVES YOU WINGS!

2009-12-23T18:30:00.000-08:00

HIM: IS IT SAFE? ME: MAN, IT'S ONLY RED BULL & WEED, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

-A_EJ

REEBOK-ASS TONERS

2009-11-01T19:02:00.000-08:00

ARE COMMERCIALS GETTING SEXIER OR IS PORN JUST GETTING LAZIER?

I gotta say, Reebok is on to something. Sometimes it IS good to think with your other brain. Man, just think if they used this method towards the education system. How high would the grade point averages rise? How low would the drop-out rates be? Just imagine if Beyonce was a math teacher-- even Kanye knows:

If she did that "Uh-Oh" dance for the lil' dudes every time they passed a test as a whole; there wouldn't be one child left behind or untutored. If he even thought about failing, the janitor would chip in on kicking his ass! Everybody would be going to the Harvards of the world, damn it.

President Obama, think about it. Reebok has. The children are our future. That's the kind of change I can believe in.
- @Aaron_theEJ